Dear diary … I have broken up with London.
When you move to a city on a temporary visa, you should simply know better…
When I met London I was determined to accept this city for the fling that it was. Not a place you get attached to and certainly not a place you fall for. I was sure I could breeze in, enjoy the excitement and the romance and breeze right on out as easily as I drifted in.
Yet a few short months into my journey, as I took possibly my 100th photo of Big Ben I realised not only had I become attached … I had it BAD! The kind of lust that hits you and knocks you to the floor. Where your whole life somehow now revolves around this love and having it as close to you as humanly possibly at all times. The kind that keeps you awake at night and leaves you desperate for more. The kind that your friends look at one another as you speak of this love with a twinkle in your eye and say ‘oh honey, you are in so much trouble’
Like any great love, this love fundamentally changed who I was. London had this incredible way of giving me exactly what I needed, as I needed it. London challenged me, infuriated me and often pushed me to breaking point. But London also nurtured me, was kind to me and gave me not only a place to live, but an incredible home. I could see a future with London, something I was yet to see with any other city. So stupidly, I started to envision a life together knowing that this was only ever going to end badly – but true love is blind like that. It desperately wants to believe that this can work out, that there will be a happily ever after.
As I type this from NYC, broken hearted and having been essentially deported yesterday – I can see with absolute clarity just how naïve such dreams were. Yet to feel the full impact of my loss and still somewhat in shock, I start to plan forward. As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea – right?!
And though I may have an incredible journey ahead, the kind you can only dream of. There will be a small part of me that wishes I am back in the loving arms of my beloved London. Safe and warm.
So until I meet you again dear London, I shall watch you lovingly from afar with a fondness in my heart… and secretly hating on every person who spends time with you.